Bubba went to a psychiatrist. 'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'
'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears.'
'How much do you charge?'
'Eighty dollars per visit, replied the doctor.'
'I'll sleep on it,' said Bubba.
Six months later the doctor met Bubba on the street. 'Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?' asked the psychiatrist.
'Well Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'
'Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now !!!'
Git 'er dun!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Little Johny at his best
TEACHER: Why are you late?
L-JOHNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
L-JOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
L-JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
L-JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
L-JOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America?
L-JOHNY: George!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we didn't
have
ten years ago.
L-JOHNY: Me!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?
L-JOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
L-JOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write?
L-JOHNY: Your name on this report card.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
L-JOHNY: Don't bite any.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
L-JOHNY: I is...
TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, "I am."
L-JOHNY: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
L-Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday
sametime."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't
punish him?"
L-Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
L-Johnny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
L-Johnny : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green
and
one is blue with red spots!
L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same
at
home.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped
him,
what virtue would I be showing?
L-Johnny: Brotherly love.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
L-Johnny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your
brother's. Did u copy his?
L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
are no
longer interested?
L-Johnny : A teacher
**********************************************
Amit Singh:- Oh No ! The current is gone
Amit's Friend :- Oh my! the mosquitoes will bite us now.
Amit Singh:- No, they wont …
Amit Friend :- But How .... ?
Amit Singh :- I have an idea ………If we dont light the candle , then the
mosquito wont know whr we are,
so they wont bite us!!!!!
Amit Friend :- Wow Amit! you r so great , Good Idea , Lets sit in the dark
till current comes ;-)
L-JOHNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
L-JOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
L-JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
L-JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
L-JOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America?
L-JOHNY: George!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we didn't
have
ten years ago.
L-JOHNY: Me!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?
L-JOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
L-JOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write?
L-JOHNY: Your name on this report card.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
L-JOHNY: Don't bite any.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
L-JOHNY: I is...
TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, "I am."
L-JOHNY: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
L-Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday
sametime."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't
punish him?"
L-Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
L-Johnny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
L-Johnny : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green
and
one is blue with red spots!
L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same
at
home.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped
him,
what virtue would I be showing?
L-Johnny: Brotherly love.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
L-Johnny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your
brother's. Did u copy his?
L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
are no
longer interested?
L-Johnny : A teacher
**********************************************
Amit Singh:- Oh No ! The current is gone
Amit's Friend :- Oh my! the mosquitoes will bite us now.
Amit Singh:- No, they wont …
Amit Friend :- But How .... ?
Amit Singh :- I have an idea ………If we dont light the candle , then the
mosquito wont know whr we are,
so they wont bite us!!!!!
Amit Friend :- Wow Amit! you r so great , Good Idea , Lets sit in the dark
till current comes ;-)
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
EVEN GOD HAS SENSE OF HUMOUR
EVEN GOD HAS SENSE OF HUMOUR
God was in the process of creating the universe.
And he was explaining to his subordinates
"Look everything should be in balance.
For example, after every 10 deer there should be a lion.
Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States.
I have blessed them with prosperity and money.
But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension....
Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States.
I have blessed them with prosperity and money.
But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension....
And here is Africa.
I have given them beautiful nature.
But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.
And here is South America.
I have given them lots of forests.
But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would
have to cut off the forests...
So you see fellows, everything should be in balance.
One of the angels asked...
"God, what is this extremely beautiful country here?"
God said....... "Ahah...that is the crown piece of all.
"INDIA"
My most precious creation.
It has understanding and friendly People.
Sparkling streams and serene mountains.
A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live.
Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold.....
The angel was quite surprised:
"But god you said everything should be in balance."
"INDIA"
My most precious creation.
It has understanding and friendly People.
Sparkling streams and serene mountains.
A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live.
Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold.....
The angel was quite surprised:
"But god you said everything should be in balance."
God replied --
"Look at the neighbours I gave them."
Vandhe Matharam !
Letter to God
Letter to god
A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.
Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA, they decided to forward
it to the President of the India as a joke.
The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20.
The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs.50) to a little boy,
and he did not want to spoil the kid.
The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank you note to God,
which read:
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money.
However, I noticed that you sent it through the
Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi, and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 as tax ...
A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.
Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA, they decided to forward
it to the President of the India as a joke.
The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20.
The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs.50) to a little boy,
and he did not want to spoil the kid.
The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank you note to God,
which read:
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money.
However, I noticed that you sent it through the
Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi, and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 as tax ...
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